This is the first of many interviews about confidence I am conducting. It was recorded on August 18, 2015 in Campbell, California. I am keeping these anonymous for now to create space for more honest and intimate conversations.
Q: What does confidence mean to you?
A; Confidence is a sense of self expression - how I truly feel and act in the world, without apologizing for who I am, what I think, and what I do. It’s not giving a rat's a** what others think. Not the people that I care about - their support is what sustains me - but the general world.
Q: If you could change one thing related to confidence about yourself, what would it be?
A: I would have the realization that confidence is within me and allow it to come more quickly and easily. I don’t have to earn it to deserve it. For example, for me, in order to earn confidence and support it I want to run the track really fast, take triathlon yoga class, I want my laundry done, my house clean - all of it. But confidence should be innate. It should just be there because I’m a woman, I’m human, I know what I think and feel, because I know that I need sleep and that I breath.
Q: Do you have a story related to confidence from your life that you can share?
A: I have a perfect example. In the 7th grade we had our first girl-boy dance. I just like to dance. I don’t think I was boy crazy at this point of my life. We went to this dance with my girlfriends, and you know it’s your first dance, it’s dark... I just wanted to dance. I didn’t have any hangups. I didn’t care if I was tall, short, fat, or skinny. I heard music and so I would just pull boys to dance. And I remember some boys not wanting to dance with me. I was like: “Just dance!” I remember thinking to myself “I don’t want to marry you, I just want to dance.” That was amazing confidence. 7th grade. Somewhere around 8 or 9th grade, that wasn’t cool any more. You had to stand around and wait to boys to invite you. That’s when I became self-conscious. Oh, you’re not supposed to do that? Aren’t you supposed to dance at a dance? We’re supposed to hang out by the wall until some boy asks you to dance? Because I’m going to be hanging around for a long time. I don’t fit any kind of thing that you’re supposed to be - you know, blond, blue eyes, whatever. I’m just who I am. When I was growing up there weren’t many Asian people around, so there was nothing I could do about how I looked in that respect. I just wanted to dance, and so I pulled boys out for the first dance. But a year later you’re supposed to stand around and wait for some boy to ask you.
Q: Now that you are no longer a teenager, how do you support your confidence?
A: Now I realize more what that makes me feel good and I do that. I know yoga makes me feel good, exercise makes me feel good, eating right, which is lean protein and veggies, makes me feel good, so I do all of that. What makes me feel powerful is feelings that I’m nourished and safe. I take time to myself, to go to a cafe and have my coffee, play with pretty pens, dream about travel, and plan my empire. Those are the things that make me feel very real, which supports my confidence.
A; Confidence is a sense of self expression - how I truly feel and act in the world, without apologizing for who I am, what I think, and what I do. It’s not giving a rat's a** what others think. Not the people that I care about - their support is what sustains me - but the general world.
Q: If you could change one thing related to confidence about yourself, what would it be?
A: I would have the realization that confidence is within me and allow it to come more quickly and easily. I don’t have to earn it to deserve it. For example, for me, in order to earn confidence and support it I want to run the track really fast, take triathlon yoga class, I want my laundry done, my house clean - all of it. But confidence should be innate. It should just be there because I’m a woman, I’m human, I know what I think and feel, because I know that I need sleep and that I breath.
Q: Do you have a story related to confidence from your life that you can share?
A: I have a perfect example. In the 7th grade we had our first girl-boy dance. I just like to dance. I don’t think I was boy crazy at this point of my life. We went to this dance with my girlfriends, and you know it’s your first dance, it’s dark... I just wanted to dance. I didn’t have any hangups. I didn’t care if I was tall, short, fat, or skinny. I heard music and so I would just pull boys to dance. And I remember some boys not wanting to dance with me. I was like: “Just dance!” I remember thinking to myself “I don’t want to marry you, I just want to dance.” That was amazing confidence. 7th grade. Somewhere around 8 or 9th grade, that wasn’t cool any more. You had to stand around and wait to boys to invite you. That’s when I became self-conscious. Oh, you’re not supposed to do that? Aren’t you supposed to dance at a dance? We’re supposed to hang out by the wall until some boy asks you to dance? Because I’m going to be hanging around for a long time. I don’t fit any kind of thing that you’re supposed to be - you know, blond, blue eyes, whatever. I’m just who I am. When I was growing up there weren’t many Asian people around, so there was nothing I could do about how I looked in that respect. I just wanted to dance, and so I pulled boys out for the first dance. But a year later you’re supposed to stand around and wait for some boy to ask you.
Q: Now that you are no longer a teenager, how do you support your confidence?
A: Now I realize more what that makes me feel good and I do that. I know yoga makes me feel good, exercise makes me feel good, eating right, which is lean protein and veggies, makes me feel good, so I do all of that. What makes me feel powerful is feelings that I’m nourished and safe. I take time to myself, to go to a cafe and have my coffee, play with pretty pens, dream about travel, and plan my empire. Those are the things that make me feel very real, which supports my confidence.
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