If you were a 9, how would your life be different?
Good question. I think overall the quality of life would be better. Back when I was single I probably would approach prettier girls - I’m sure there were times when I didn’t do it. So at times when I was single or lonely, confidence would have given me a beautiful companion. Thinking about jobs or careers - I’ve been at the same job for so long that it’s hard to say. That’s probably why I’m quitting now. I think that’s actually what happened and got me to do it - I used to be a 5 or a 6 and then I grew to be a 7.
What enabled you to become a 7?
Really working on myself. Watching movies and doing enough spiritual work to understand enough about how the world works to know that there is nothing to be afraid of. There is definitely something to be said about fear and how it affects confidence. It took me a long time of working on myself to get to where I’m now.
Do you have any tips for how to get past the fear?
One is to recognize that fear is natural. Lack of fear is not courage. Courage is experiencing fear and still going forward. Fear is good because there are some things we should be generally afraid of. If there is a tiger or a guy with a gun chasing you and you don’t have fear, you are going to end up dead. So step one is recognizing and embracing fear as a natural part of life.
Number two is recognizing that really fear is useful in very few situations. When our life is in danger our mind is trained to protect us. But when it comes to making decision about career or life or let’s say a beautiful girl on the street - fear doesn’t serve you because either way your life is not in danger. Fear is just an emotion and when you break it down there is nothing substantial. So what I do is I think the situation through, think what’s the worst thing that can happen and what I am really afraid of. People are either afraid of rejection or failure, and rejection is a type of failure anyways. That’s another thing - to get comfortable with the failure because the worst failure is to never try. For example the whole thing about quitting your job and taking off - what’s the worst thing that can happen? You come back and get another job! So once you acknowledge the fear, it’s important to think it through and realize that the worst case scenario is not that bad at all.
Number three is something that I practice every morning - a gratitude meditation. I sit down and I really take time to feel what I’m grateful for. It’s not like I’m thinking “I’m grateful for a, b, c" - boom! and I’m done. I really take the time to feel each one. This is what’s interesting - when you are experiencing gratitude, you cannot be experiencing fear at the same time, they are mutually exclusive. I was talking to a friend the other day and was telling her the same thing, and she was trying to come up with a situation where you can feel fear and gratitude at the same time. So say you are running away from a tiger with your child, and you can save the child but not yourself. So you’re afraid that you are going to die but you’re grateful that you can save the child? As tricky as that scenario sounds if you’re really feeling gratitude for saving your child, you are not going to feel the fear.